Who needs insurance? Jesus is driving my campaign bus.

BECAUSE, AS ANY **REAL** AMERICAN PATRIOT KNOWS, GOD IS A REPUBLICAN. NO, REALLY.

Idaho already has some of the weirdest politics per capita in the country — although bigger states like Florida and Texas have more gross weirdness, and weird grossness, we have pretty respectable outlandishness relative to our population. And with Raul Labrador planning to capitalize on his “Nobody died from not having healthcare” triumph to run for governor, we now have a scramble for Labrador’s seat in Congress a-brewing for 2018. And oh, what a wonderful mess of a candidate has chosen to bless the Gem State with his holy presence.

Despite lived in Oregon for more than 30 years, I still haven’t managed to reconcile flaming red Idaho with the progressiveness characteristic of much of the Pacific Northwest. In Oregon (at least west of the Cascades), common sense gun control is…well, common sense. In Idaho, it means “using both hands.” And Idaho is WAY more Jesus-y than Oregon. If memory serves, the Beaver State is the most unchurched polity in the country. The Kill-’em-and-grill-’em State considers atheism to be on par with, and closely related to, lesbianism, liberalism, and communism. Then again, it’s an open question whether Idaho’s theocrats could elucidate the differences between the “isms.”

With that background, it’s not exactly surprising that Idaho produces some of the most off-the-wall, unbalanced, hyper-Conservative, uber-Jesus-y Republican candidates you could ever hope to encounter. Maybe it’s the water? Or the altitude? Whatever the reason(s), Michael Snyder is running for Congress because the voices in his head God Almighty told him to.

[A] rightwing prepper and prophet of the End Times, Michael Snyder, announced he’s seeking Labrador’s seat, because what Congress really needs is a guy who writes for Charisma News, the Christianist website that’s so frequently over the top that people wonder if it might really be satire. The nice folks at RightWingWatch say Snyder runs his own prepper website called “The Economic Collapse,” but we’re not sure it counts, since it’s literally nothing more than a place to repost everything he writes at Charisma News, plus ads for gold, moving to Panama, and silver-based quack cures. Among Snyder’s recent insights are a condemnation of men dressing like women and t’other way ’round, a call for a war on Globalism, and a profile of a guy who died, went to heaven, had a chat with Jesus, and came back (Jesus is “not overly large, but he’s massively built. You would think that he’s a weightlifter, a body builder”).

Dude, you didn’t talk to Jesus; you took a wrong turn and ended up in a gay bar….

Of course, the mere fact Snyder is a Christian doesn’t disqualify him from running for office. In fact, Capitol Hill is fairly crawling with people who channel the voice of Jesus Christ whenever it serves their purpose when pondering a challenging policy issue. Snyder would just be one more Pharisee godly spiritual warrior going to Washington to do the work of the Lord.

His written campaign announcement reads like a culture warrior’s Christmas list. If elected, Snyder will immediately begin the work of fulfilling God’s will, which includes (but isn’t limited to):

– a “Second Amendment Revolution”…only without the violence- ‘cuz MOR GUNZ!! only makes ‘Merica safer, don’tchaknow,
– abolishing the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (ATF)…because, as any student of the Holy 2nd Amendment KNOWS in their heart or hearts, Americans can only be free when gun control is eliminated from the public lexicon,
– abolishing Common Core,
– abolishing the Department of Edumication,
– abolishing the Internal Revenue Service (IRS),
– abolishing the National Security Agency (NSA),
– abolishing Obamacare…’cuz FREEDUMB,
– abolishing the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), and Snyder’s piece de resistance, and
– utterly destroying Planned Parenthood.

Looks like Snyder believes idle hands are the Devil’s workshop, eh?

I won’t be satisfied once Planned Parenthood is defunded. My goal is to completely destroy Planned Parenthood as an organization, and I will greatly rejoice when the final Planned Parenthood clinic in America is finally shut down for good.

Never mind that Planned Parenthood provides a plethora of valuable health care services to women who may not otherwise have access. All Snyder cares about is that PLANNED PARENTHOOD IS AN ABORTION MILL!!! THEY KILL BABIES…AND JESUS HATES THEM FOR MURDERING PRECIOUS NOT-QUITE-CHILDREN!!!!

NOTHING else matters until and unless Snyders saves the babies.

Why is it that the Christians who decided to run for office are too often the worst examples of Christians refusing to follow the teachings of their religion? People like Michael Snyder couldn’t lead a Christ-like life if you spotted him a theology professor, a Sherpa, and a tent revival. Why they believe themselves called by God (instead of answering the hypocritical call of their own overarching ambition) defies rational understanding.

Then again, when your God is a mighty (and Republican) God, all things are possible.

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